In Africa, how do we diffrentate child abuse and home training.
Proficiency is not attainable at once, rather it is a result of doing the same things over and over again. That’s how we get better at driving a car, riding a bicycle, using a kitchen knife etc.
We shall be looking at simple truths we might have heard before, but by going over them again, we stand a chance of attaining higher proficiency levels. The more proficient you are, the more restful you become.
A little preamble.
Let us look at some facts as contained in the manual of life. Life operates on principles. Adherence to life’s principles guarantees success, just as disrespect of them ensures struggles.
Principles are universal.
Principles are predictable
Principles are impartial.
Principles have in-built consequences – punishment when disregarded and reward when complied with.
Process determines product – that’s why we collect recipes, to recreate similar products.
The law of gravity works for everyone, everywhere and everytime. The same applies to God’s principles or laws, they are neither gender nor race oriented. A discovery of God’s principles assures one of proven results.
However, all through society, man has sought to circumvent life principles to his peril.
Settle down and self program to comply with life principles for it’s to your advantage always and all ways.
You can’t successfully breathe in anything other than Oxygen, can you? Neither can anyone successfully substitute God in his life. The void remains.
Now to our subject of the day, which will be made more understandable with conversation method:
In Africa, how do we differentiate child abuse and home training?
Is there a difference between abuse and training?
How do we define abuse?
The dictionary defines abuse amongst others as
– mistreatment or maltreatment,
– cruelty,
– violent treatment,
– use of insults,
– being rude etc
We can summarise abuse as anything that is done with intention to cause harm, hurt, sorrow, pain, grief etc
Note, either intentional or unintentional, abuse is still abuse.
How do we define training?
Training is defined as:
– the process of learning needed skills for a particular activity,
– physical or mental exercise you do to keep fit,
– preparation for an activity,
– developing fitness through exercise or repeated activity.
Equally, the term Train means :
– to teach skills needed to do something,
– give necessary preparation so one reaches a desired or required standard,
– to guide and prompt or coax in the direction to go.
(climbing plants are also called trainers, eg vine leaf, ugwu leaf, because you can lead them gently by coaxing in the way they should go). Usually ropes or trellis are used to guide climbing plants.
It is no surprise that God’s word uses the Word “train” – with regards to children.
Proverbs 22:6 KJV
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6 MSG
Point your kids in the right direction- when they’re old they won’t be lost.
There is a way each child should go. We are to guide them, point them not force them.
We are to commend them, not condemn them. We are to instruct them, not insult them
I want to believe we are running personal assessment as we are going on.
In the African setting, sadly we focus on the negative consequences in other to dissuade or discourage a child from doing it.
We tend to use guilt tripping, insults, assaults as tools for raising our kids. This only works for kids we can bully and get away with.
Most of our approach is to use scare tactics, exaggeration, etc.
However, most of the time, this has a tendency to break a child’s psyche rather than build it.
The truth sets free.
Jesus came not to condemn, but rather to commend us to God. He is aware of our imperfections, but rather than threaten us with hell and damnation, God keeps coaxing us, affirming us, commending us, bringing to our awareness capabilities we are unaware of and are afraid to accept as truth. He keeps telling us, I believe in you, you can make it.
The average African parent is an expert in insults and abuses, not with the intention to cause harm but ignorantly assuming it is the best option to serve as a deterrent.
But words are not empty, they are potent with the power to kill or to cause to live. Christ came to us as sinner’s, and He without sin, yet rather than condemn us, insult us, barrage us, bully us, He befriended us and began to help us discover our potentials and steer us in the direction we are to go.
The solution to error is teaching. A child cannot know what he or she hasn’t been taught.
By default, every child is programmed to do wrong, that’s why as parents, as adults, our major task is to reprogram (train) them in the right way.
However, the right to correct is usually earned not forced.
Children are simply little people not inferior people and should be accorded basic respect, treated with worth, accepted for who they are and befriended.
As adults, we readily accept corrections from friends when given in non-judgemental tone. The same applies to children.
To disregard ones opinion absolutely is an abuse. I can disagree with you and still give consideration to your opinion.
My take is this, the Almighty is all knowing, error proof, perfect etc yet He calls me to reason with Him.
If the Almighty can reason with an imperfect and error prone individual like me, why should I not encourage my children to reason with me?
Training draws one closer, abuse repels!
4 STEPS TO TRAINING (TEACHING)
1. Every child is unique and special. Do not generalise them.
2. Have the set goal desirous to be attained.
3. Have / help the student discover / acknowledge present capacity.
4. Teach – bridge the gap between 1 and 2.
Job 34:32 KJV
That which I see not teach thou me: if I have done iniquity, I will do no more.
Children are rarely rebellious. Most times, they are simply unaware (ignorant) of the consequences of their actions.
Children are naturally inquisitive, exploratory, experimental and most African parents assume it is easier to quash / suppress these God given attributes than to channel them aright.
Note: Every parent is a teacher.
It is the teacher’s responsibility to discover the best learning patterns of the student.
There are no bad students, we can only have incompetent teachers or inappropriate training methods.
The best teachers adequately prepare for their class, research their materials and admit where they need help.
You can be firm and yet be kind and loving.
Question:
How do you recognize the thin line between being over indulgent and showing love as a parent?
I’ve seen some parents who I feel should be firmer on their temperamentally laid back children, who don’t feel the same way.
A simple rule is this
Who is in control?
When a child controls the parent through emotional blackmail or other tricks, that is indulgence.
Any concession, should be parent-determined and not child-determined.
God is firm, yet kind, so can we all be.
Many people do not know this fact.
Quite true, that’s why those who know, have a duty to enlighten those who don’t by our actions, lifestyle and speech. We have to let our light so shine that men will see.
Question:
Is it wrong to rebuke a child with love openly if need be?
It depends on the child’s age.
Teenagers should be corrected in love not but not openly.
Even when you correct a child openly, avoid causing the child embarrassment. A lot of correction can be done with words – in a way that spectators might not even follow.
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